This is my first piece for Healthline on a topic I’ve not really written about – my health. I’ve not really considered writing about Psoriatic Arthritis It all started with this tweet – a callout for a writer who also had PsA:
WritingCommunity Seeking pitches from writers living with #psoriaticarthritis. Interested in POVs about the experience of living with your condition as well as tip-based content! email in bio. #chronicillness #disabledwriters #spoonies
I didn’t know what Healthline was looking for in particular when it came to Psoriatic Arthritis but I sent an email and learned they wanted someone to write about “Things I Wish People Understood About Psoriatic Arthritis.”
I was really apprehensive about taking this assignment because I did not want to write an article that prompted pity or came across as wanting anyone to feel sorry for me but I also wanted to be honest about autoimmune disease and PsA in particular. There’s a balance there. There’s also a vulnerability.
“There’s no runny nose to signal to everyone else that I’m constantly in the midst of battle. I’ve always wanted a T-shirt that read, “I’m so bad, I kick my own ass.”
Needless to say, I wrote the article 8 Things I Wish People Understood About Psoriatic Arthritis and I do hope you’ll read it. Linked below:
8 Things I Wish People Understood About Psoriatic Arthritis
PsA is an unpredictable and often invisible illness that is hard to manage — and even harder to understand.
For more articles from Bonnie on Health check out her Clips Page Here or click on the recommended articles below:
‘Survival no longer a given:’ Mom with autoimmune disease asks everyone to get a flu shot
By getting a flu shot, you can “help me protect myself and my family. It means everything to me, really,” said a mom with an autoimmune disease.
Opinion: Tattooing over scars helps with trauma, healing; Kentucky’s ban a loss of that control
For so many people who decide to turn a scar into a beautiful tattoo, it gives them some sort of control over their trauma. It helps the healing.
Gamer Girls: Online Sexism And Video Game Safety for Young Girls
“They’ll understand when they’re older.” It’s meant to be comforting: When our kids are parents struggling to do the right thing, they’ll realize how tough it all is. But the part no one tells you is that just because they may one day understand that you did the best you could, that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll agree with your decisions.
A lot of recent conversations with my 19-year-old daughter have revolved around parenting decisions I made in her childhood that she disagrees with. She feels some have even caused lasting damage. Ouch. That hurts. I love my children, but love doesn’t make anyone a perfect parent. We’re all still human, just doing the best we can. I know my intentions, but I also know that I still don’t agree with every parenting decision my parents made. My goal was to be better than my parents, but I’m not any better—I’m just different.
Read what learned from the experts in my latest column below:
When Teens Question Their Parents, It’s All Part of Growing Up – Your Teen Mag
It’s uncomfortable and it hurts, but teens inevitably question and sometimes reject their parents’ ideas. It’s all part of growing up.
Read more of my work on child development and parenting
Video Game Safety For Girls
How do girl gamers deal with online harassment? And how can parents help?
Staying Home: Hard but Necessary for Teenagers
Quarantine may cause asymptomatic teens to have mental health concerns. How to talk about COVID-19 and balance your teen’s choices and feelings.
I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to put my thoughts down for this historic event.
It’s hard to wrap my brain around what this election means to me. It means progress. Even though there’s another white man as president and that’s not anything new.
Bonnie Jean Feldkamp
I hope you’ll read the full column at the link below.
Opinion: Madam Vice President has a nice ring to it
Vice president-elect Kamala Harris delivers remarks to the nation after her and her running mate Joe Biden secure enough votes to win the White House. USA TODAY
Grateful to talk to David LëGere of Woodhall Press about writing, inspiration, and process as well as the upcoming book to which I’ve contributed – Fast Funny Women edited by Gina Barreca. I hope you’ll take 20 minutes and watch the interview.
I’ve written more about my contribution to this book here. Learn more about me here.
It was my husband’s insight that helped me plan for “quarantine cooking.” I tend to draw from my parenting experience when I write so it was nice to start with Felipe this time. 😊 While Frozen Pizza and Mac-n-Cheese flew off the grocery store shelves my husband steered us towards the international isle to load up on rice, beans, and bouillon cubes. My husband’s mother is Mexican born and knows how to cook delicious meals from scratch using basic dry stock goods.
Sahibzada Farhana
Chef Farhana Sahibzada has the impulse – to return to traditional food cooked from dry stock goods that have a long shelf life. She says her quarantine cooking habits start with lentils and homemade paratha. Her recipe she was gracious enough to share with me for the article. It’s from her cookbook Flavorful Shortcuts to Indian/Pakistani Cooking for families to try at home. She also has YouTube Tutorials for some of her recipes that are helpful.
“Most families have only so much freezer space. Instead of stocking up on ready-made mac-n-cheese or frozen pizza, save that space for perishables like meat, dairy, and vegetables. Then stock your pantry with basic dry ingredients that have a long shelf life. This pandemic has given many families the gift of time, so why not use some of that time for cooking meals from scratch, together?”
Stocking Your Pantry to Cook Take Out Favorites at Home
We all know the benefits of cooking at home. Why not use this time to learn to make your own favorite ‘Indian take out’ at home for a fraction of the cost?
If you like this article about Quarantine Cooking check out a few of my other links about #QuarantineLife:
I am thrilled to be one of the writers Gina Barreca has invited to contribute to a new Woodhall Press anthology and can not wait to read the full table of contents. I am, no doubt, in good company!
“Gina has invited dozens of the smartest, funniest, and best women writers to submit pieces that have the shimmer of humor, and also the deep shine of significant ideas. This will be a landmark collection in the world of women’s humor and women’s stories.“
Gina Barreca Leads New Anthology
Hailed as “smart and funny” by “People” magazine and “Very, very funny. For a woman,” by Dave Barry, Gina Barreca was deemed a “feminist humor maven” by Ms. Ma
The Louie CK story is one familiar to me. His statement bubbled up a story of something similar that happened to me when I was 31 years old. I was watching my daughter play with her cousins in the backyard.
It was a hot sunny day and I decided to lie out on a towel and get some sun. In a two piece bathing suit, this mom was suddenly aware that the older neighbor man was excited by this. When I glanced his way, he showed me his erection.
What do I do?
This man muttered breathy things about “that puss” as he gratified himself.
The kids were oblivious and playing. I chose to ignore this creepy neighbor guy. He never touched me. He never asked me for anything, but he masturbated and he wanted me to know that I had prompted his excitement. He knew I would maintain normalcy for the sake of the kids.
I could have done more.
I could have made a stink.
I could have told him off.
My silence was not consent.
But I do feel guilt about it. I wonder if the man thought my consent was implied with my decision to do nothing but wish it to be finished soon.
I hadn’t told anyone that story until yesterday.
After reading Louis CK’s statement, I told my husband.
This one hurts.
Louis CK was a guy who in our eyes “got it.”
We quoted him daily.
We bought his shows. His movies. His stand up. Even the stuff for $5 from his website.
We watched him with our daughters.
We were fans.
I’m reading articles from people saying they could’ve done more – they should’ve done more. Because they knew the rumors were plentiful enough that they knew something was up.
I think we can all pinpoint a time in our lives where we could have done more. And we can “would’ve, could’ve, should’ve” all day long.
I remind myself that as we raise badass kids who speak up and speak out, we also have to remind them that sometimes it is okay to get through the situation and survive. Especially when you are the victim.
Whatever choice a person makes it will, no doubt, riddle them with guilt.
The neighbor guy does not haunt me (other horrors hold that honor).
Did he make my skin crawl? Yes.
Did it gross me out? Of course.
But he did not wreck my life. I did not have to work with him. He was not my mentor or boss. I wrote him off as a creep, kept my distance and a close eye on my kids.
I’ll likely treat Louis CK in the same manner. Distance myself from his work I once loved. I’ll catch myself remembering something he quipped and replace it with something more meaningful to me now.
It’s too bad. I really thought he was one of the good guys.
Ricky Gervais, don’t fail me now.
It is not my fault as a fan and it is not anyone else’s fault as a comic or co-writer or production company that believed in his work.
The fault lies squarely with Louis CK as it also does with the creepy neighbor.
***
Bonnie Jean Feldkamp is a writer, wife, and mom of three kids whose ages span two decades. Her work has appeared in the New York Times; Brain, Child Magazine; Scary Mommy and more. Her Cincinnati Family mom blog earned Best Overall Blog in the 2017 Ohio Society of Professional Journalists Awards. Find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram @WriterBonnie or on her website at WriterBonnie.com.
The Louie CK story is one familiar to me. His statement bubbled up a story of something similar that happened to me when I was 31 years old. I was watching my daughter play with her cousins in the backyard.